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IBM Mastery test

IBM Mastery test :: Article Creator

Books

chapter one

figuring out men's Passages

figuring out guys'S PASSAGESDISCOVERING the brand new MAP OF men'S LIVESBy GAIL SHEEHYRANDOM condo, INC.

or not it's a man factor

    It has historically been assumed that age is kinder to men than to women. My analysis over the last eight years has published a astonishing reversal: many guys forty and over are having a more durable time nowadays making a delightful passage into the second half of their lives than are most ladies. Why?

    women consider pangs over losing their youth.

    guys suppose dread.

    "or not it's the dread of dropping efficiency!" says my chum Fitzgerald. "or not it's imagining yourself as an actor onstage who has lost his voice."

    There are some inevitable changes as we tramp the event of existence. men usually hit them as they would a brick wall--and then can also fall aside. if they knew what to expect in strengthen, it might aid them to master these changes and take advantage of them.

    The element of this booklet is to support guys and their companions to outwit the inevitable adjustments ahead. nowadays, particularly for guys below 50, the timing of marker pursuits--completing faculty, first grown-up job, marriage, parenthood, empty nest, retirement, golden years--has turned out to be unpredictable. What a man is supposed to do, and when, isn't clear. it is both entertaining and disorienting, like crusing for a new world however wondering in case you will drop off the edge of the historic one first. The maps and charts are all out-of-date. Any man who feels a bit misplaced is rarely alone.

    step one is to take into account the passages that guys move through after age 40, and then to discover, in the new map of men's lives, how one can shuttle these new passages for your self with superior recognition and a passport to renewal. Even on a field as threatening as "male menopause," the news is decent and getting more advantageous. it is gradually becoming diagnosed as a mindbody syndrome it really is perfectly ordinary, widespread, treatable, and sometimes reversible. Pharmaceutical organizations are racing to present guys perpetual virility--via popping a pill. As instant and compelling as is the situation most guys have with how their sexual efficiency might possibly be suffering from growing old, there is plenty more involved in restoring vitality and virility than inserting more lead again within the pencil. intellect-set matters as a minimum as a good deal as bodily changes. The complete gamut of motives and the remarkable armamentarium for fighting male menopause are spelled out later in the book.

    Why single out men? it's no longer as radical a departure because it could seem; I actually have been writing about the predictable and unpredictable alterations of grownup lifestyles for both sexes on account that the publication of Passages in 1976. but after twenty years of probing the psyche and deciphering the affect of cultural shifts on each sexes, I confronted a humbling admission:

    men do not understand girls, but at the least they are aware of it. girls do not have in mind guys, however they do not understand it. Does here talk sound in any respect customary?

    "what's wrong?"

    "Nothing."

    "Why might not you talk to me?"

    "What about?"

    "About why you seem so down."

    "i am just drained."

    "however you simply sit down around staring at tv. now and again, that you would be able to get the most drained from doing nothing."

    "i'm now not doing nothing! There are things I need to consider about."

    "It appears like you've come to some extent on your lifestyles the place issues are changing for you. How does that make you suppose?"

    "or not it's just whatever thing you should go through."

    "i might like to assist. may not you discuss with me about it?"

    "what's there to claim?"

    "what is it you want out of existence? just make up your intellect and be straight with me."

    "I do not know what I desire."

    Most of us have had such conversations. i know I even have survived a couple of of these trying-to-aid-however-best-making-it-worse dialogues. The presumption amongst women is that they know what is wrong with their men, and that they might repair it if most effective guys would listen. but do many women in reality understand what it be like for a person nowadays?

    Milton Glaser, a legendary graphic artist and a wise and cherished chum, made this observation of the cultural lag between the genders: "women are setting up a new belief gadget; a new manner of viewing lifestyles is coalescing. Most guys don't know what's happening to them. They shouldn't have any concept what to believe in. For loads of us, the values we grew up with were subverted and changed. guys are astonished at this trade; they have not formulated a response to it. or not it's a time when men are very, very doubtful."

    men can also now not equate trade with increase. generally speaking, they associate change with loss, giving up, being overtaken, failing. It is not considered as a positive part of inner growth and the highway to a brand new variety of power. primarily in the first half of their lives, men are rewarded for putting blinders on and pursuing their slender profession path: life seems simple.

    "In my company existence, i'm always telling enterprise leaders how critical it's to step lower back, study traits, see what the future may deliver, and plan ahead for it," says a brand new York public members of the family man, "however in my own and profession life, overlook it." He expresses a male view as ancient as time: "I just maintain moving forward in a form of dumb-beast approach, seeing the subsequent possibility and throwing my spear at it, taking my lumps and hoping every little thing will figure out for me. no matter if as men we are hardwired to suppose that manner or or not it's the steady procedure of socialization, we simply don't love to change."

    You may also had been rushing alongside the route you set in your twenties when, , the street turns bumpy. or you hit a washed-out patch and can't move forward. Or the juice effectively drains out of your batteries. How do you recharge yourself? exchange gears? Who do you turn to for aid?

    It has develop into a cliche to assert that guys don't love to ask questions. obviously, here's no longer always true. (My husband has stopped on the nearest fuel station to ask for instructions at the least as soon as.) however men haven't been taught to ask questions about their sexual existence cycle or their health or psychological well-being. They don't think they have got the time or want for such consultations--except disaster strikes. studies exhibit that guys make some distance fewer visits to docs than ladies, and once they do go, they generally don't ask any questions. beneath the silence and stoicism, besides the fact that children, most men over 40 experience that the enjoying container of existence is radically distinct from the realm of their fathers.

    An economic revolution reminiscent of the economic Revolution is pitting mature guys towards younger, computer-savvy digerati. adventure may also now not count number for as plenty in marketplaces focused on the now. now not handiest are new potential demanded, for which a couple of generations--older child boomers, the "Silent generation," the world conflict II generation--don't seem to be organized, however a different attitude is required. The rules of the game between agency and employee have changed. You was capable of count on the corporate father--the farseeing, benevolent giver of rewards and reprimands. Now the corporation is a virtual father--amorphous, nonhierarchical--and you may not ever be clear where you stand.

    The floor of family members between men and girls has additionally gone through an earthquake of exchange. men of the baby-increase and earlier generations were socialized, as boys, to assume a naturally prescribed position within the benign patriarchy portrayed in time-honored culture by indicates similar to Ozzie & Harriet and depart It to Beaver. As younger adults they had been thrown off stability, ridiculed by using the girls's flow, and later brushed aside via some tutorial activists as belonging to a continuum of "dead white men." In center lifestyles they discover themselves competing with a newly confident species of younger professional ladies. Add the drive to stay youthful and exhibit perpetual virility, and a lot of of brand new men over forty are in quandary. If a person continues enjoying with the aid of the historic scoreboard and the ancient timetable, he's prone to strike out.

    during this local weather of uncertainty, hundreds of guys have talked to me candidly about every kind of forbidden subjects: their concerns about getting old, the ebbing of physical power and athletic prowess, their fears of dropping their jobs and their fathers, the that means crisis they face at the midpoint of their lives, their envy of empowered working other halves, their need to be closer to their toddlers earlier than they lose them, their preretirement anxieties, and the total query of potency in all areas of their lives.

    most likely you in no way notion these questions would subject you. you have by no means concept about no longer being younger. a well-known entertainer was greatly surprised the first time lie went in the course of the grocery store line and he checkout lady seemed all through him. still good-looking, though his jawline is now a bit softened, he is less cocky and fewer confrontational; he appears to have calmed down and warmed up--qualities that would possibly raise his powers of attraction. Yet when we talked, he may focal point only on the terrible features of those changes: "You believe separated from youth at the same time you might be feeling diminished in physical strength and stamina; you beginning being omitted by means of younger guys; the intercourse isn't as first rate because it became; an incredible desire to be young again comes over you."

    once I ask guys if they ever speak over these questions with their male friends, they almost always shake their heads: "No."

    Why no longer?

    "it's a man element."

    many of the time they don't even focus on these concerns with their other halves, who are sometimes preoccupied with their own midlife alterations. After a lecture in Pennsylvania, i used to be stopped through an lively-searching woman with a ebook bag slung over her shoulder. I started returned to faculty in my late thirties," she observed. "i could have fun my forty-2d birthday with the aid of getting my diploma as a scientific social employee. My husband saved complaining, 'you're changing. Why? i am the identical man you married twenty years ago.' Bingo! that is the cause we're getting divorced."

    The husband likely thinks that remaining the equal, and hiding his feelings and frustration, is being manly. He might also consider caught, even trapped, with the aid of his financial tasks. He expects himself to be the equal issuer, the identical aggressive competitor he all the time become, expecting his body to take punishment and burn fat and appeal to women the manner it all the time did. but beneath the bravado he probably does not feel the equal thrill of the chase he did in his twenties. His complete identity is tied up with the popularity he has accomplished to this point. If he lets go even a bit, what else is there?

    He can't think about the way to alternate. Why may still he?

    When ladies in midlife go back to school, start new careers, or leave stifling marriages, for the most part they are exhilarated. in spite of the fact that their profits and status isn't as super as a man's, they derive more desirable delight--because they began with so tons much less. The men they go away behind are often resentful, even jealous, having likely helped to finance a former wife's emergence into the reputation of "being my own adult" on the fee of their own revamping.

    Linear reasoning is likely to guide a man to consider, "as soon as I achieve definite issues, then i may be chuffed." however it is not only titles and fabric accomplishments that depend. And when these external achievements fall to provide meaning and joyfulness on time table, guys develop into pissed off. at a loss for words. indignant. And ashamed to confess it.

    This male malaise has no identify. it is a gloomy continent. Most guys do not respect--or refuse to settle for--that they proceed to move through distinct stages during their grownup lives. And few guys I even have studied are even conscious that crucial new passages nevertheless lie ahead--after forty. These crossroads demand a full cease and a pause to look inward. They existing a man with a chance to stretch and growth, or to lock in and regress. it is crucial to let go of a bit handle right through these instances of passage in order that an ancient shell will also be sloughed off and house made for a yeasty, multidimensional "new self" to develop.

    Transitional intervals are always unsettling, for anyone. but a scarcity of consciousness makes it extra likely that a man may additionally slide into melancholy and do all kinds of self-damaging issues. extra often than not, guys aren't even mindful of being depressed. They begin slipping down the cliff, inch by using inch, while clutching frantically for anything else to hold on to or conveniently numbing themselves to what appears like an inevitable descent down the returned facet of life.

    This publication items a brighter outlook, in response to analysis with cutting-edge new guys. it's men in middle existence who've the finest opportunity to develop into masters of their destiny--improved lovers, improved fathers, more true to themselves and their own values, freer to express their feelings and pastime their creativity, extra influential, greater collaborative, more spiritual. They want most effective expertise and a mind open sufficient to get hold of it.

    however time is working out! not just about as fast as you consider. really, the center years are the stage of capabilities optimum neatly-being within the lives of healthy expert americans these days. You do not consider it? accept as true with some records:

ARE YOU organized FOR an additional lifestyles?

We are living in the course of the highest quality miracle 'in the heritage of our species--the doubling of existence expectancy for the reason that the economic Revolution. lower back when the USA turned into based, lifestyles expectancy at start stood at simplest about 35 years. through 1900, it reached forty seven years. probably the most astonishing developments of the twentieth century has been to stretch the existence cycle via an ordinary of thirty years--greater than the total won over 5 thousand years going back to the Bronze Age! another shock of decent information on existence expectancy appeared 'in September 1997 'within the new york instances:

In 1996 alone, American men delivered six months to their lifeexpectancy and reached a new excessive.

    That changed into in accordance with an analysis of U.S. vital information via the facilities for disorder control. The ordinary male life span is now 73 years. it's additionally catching up with the female life span (now a typical of seventy nine), as the variety of AIDS deaths and the *incidence of coronary heart disorder and melanoma decline. Between now and the year 2030, the proportion of people over age 65 will virtually double. And this might be actual, even sooner, all over the place Europe.

    fine, you may say, but when a long lifestyles span potential spending years with my bulb dimming and my body falling aside, neglect it. all of us seem to be to our fathers and mothers as mirrors of our personal growing old. those are miscues in many techniques. When our parents grew to become 50, we notion they had been historic. They idea they were historic. since 1950, unimagined advances had been made in medication; and, extra pertinent, public health education throughout the mass media has precipitated profound alterations in own behavior. individuals in center life nowadays have a really distinct life profile from that of their folks, who have been anticipated to turn off their mental engines of their fifties. They failed to dream of operating marathons or gulping down hormones to preserve them randy until their eighties.

    individuals are maturing past, physically, but taking longer to grow up emotionally, and a good deal, tons longer to grow ancient. For the core classes, adolescence is now extended except the conclusion of the twenties. Our First adulthood best starts off at about age 30. somewhere around the midforties we enter an incredible passage into what was once a fairly staid, if not stagnant, middle age.

    Yet we seem to be greater reluctant to develop up than ever before. Of the lots of of guys over 40 whom I actually have interviewed, most consider they are 5 to 10 years younger than that imposter whose photo by some means slipped interior their passports. today the midpoint of maturity isn't any longer necessarily forty--or not it's greater like 50.

Fifty is what 40 was once.

    if you're a man now in his thirties, forties, or early fifties, you could modify your lens on getting old. Beneficiaries of the boom in guys's fitness, biotechnology, and mind analysis, you belong to a species unparalleled in the world, a species whose existence span will robotically extend into your eighties and nineties. This means you have to put together for the chance of a further lifestyles--past the traditional roles and obligations--because the years from forty to eighty or ninety provide you with a whole new enjoying field: what I name your "2d maturity."

    In second adulthood you begin to gain knowledge of that achievement In existence isn't in end result of the with no trouble racking up points on a single scoreboard. reasonably, there are a number of distinct scoreboards--as son, mate, father, friend, colleague, mentor, neighborhood intelligent man, benefactor. The vital innings of second adulthood are neither performed by means of the same guidelines nor scored in the identical method as a younger man's game. however most guys are so focused on profitable in the first half, they usually pass over the alerts that can prepare them with a successful method for middle and later existence.

    Gary Markovitz, for example, turned into a superb soldier. Having served in Vietnam and back to school to train as a technocrat, he had described himself for seventeen years completely in the context of his business. "When individuals asked me what i'm, i used to be an IBMer," he admits. "no longer Gary who worked at IBM, but an IBMer."

    by his midforties he started to wonder if his batteries were wearing down, however failed to happen to him to ask yourself what else he could savor doing. He heard about his business's buyout offer whereas on a enterprise trip to San Francisco. at the beginning he had no pastime in it. but on the airplane journey home he discovered himself considering a chum's accurate funeral. the man had come up through the ranks at IBM with Gary and had all at once passed far from cancer.

    Gary discovered himself ticking off, finger by means of finger, just what number of americans may be counted on to exhibit up for his personal funeral. He didn't get very a long way. What price did he have backyard IBM? He notion about his oldest son, who changed into already 25. earlier than long, there could be a grandson sitting on his knee. innocent and adoring, the boy would ask him, "Grandpa, what did you do this meant anything?"

    I made money.

    "It failed to move the grandfather examine," Gary decided. "I may well be doing more advantageous issues."

however i'm now not equipped!

a man in his late forties in a Minneapolis viewers expressed a common situation of guys: "provide it to me straight. Do I should lose power as I grow older?"

    On the contrary. The energy of intellect, rooted in experience, handiest increases as we meet the predictable crises and accidents of life and discover our resilience. an entire new stage has unfolded within the core of lifestyles: the "Age of Mastery," a bonus stage from ages 45 to 65. The passage from First to 2d adulthood and into the Age of Mastery in reality transforms the conception of power.

    child boomers need a book to their middle life. Theirs can be a manufacturer-new event, filled with surprises. 4 out of every ten American adults belong to the child-increase era, which, based on my research with the united states. Census Bureau, need to be divided into two subgenerations. The innovative may also be known as the "Vietnam technology" (born 1946-1955). here is President Bin Clinton and British major Minister Tony Blair's generation, which they describe as being mighty in beliefs however detached to the old ideologies. Boomers now in their early forties to early fifties got here of age expecting that everything would all the time get more suitable, and for many of them, it did. The spirit of the sixties formed their utopian attention, and vestiges of that spirit are nonetheless with them, tempered with the aid of the cynicism of the instances.

    The younger half of the boomers--the "Me era"--came of age within the 1970s (born 1956-1965) and ignored a good deal of the idealism of the Vietnam technology, however concentrated greater on own development. They dreamed of reaching the perfectly balanced existence and for that reason continue to put off taking up lots of the responsibilities of full adulthood. but they're far more tolerant of egalitarian marriages, gay partnerships, single parenthood, and different social experiments. both halves of this dominant era have all the time been highly individualistic and as a result irreconcilably divided. however on one issue they appear to be in total contract:

Boomers do not settle for middle age.

    Boomer guys do not see themselves as growing older. and they certainly do not expect any adjustments in their height sexual performance--it might probably ensue to other guys, but no longer to me. Yet secret doubts lurk, and a single episode of slackened sexual ardor can lift the query: is this the starting of the dreaded falling off?

THE should KNOWAND THE concern OF figuring out

In lectures based on my closing e-book, New Passages, one query is all the time certain to come up: "Is there a male menopause?"

    there's a need to grasp and an equally weighty worry of realizing. after I first became aware of the phenomenon, the proof from men became certainly anecdotal. Six guys sitting round a midtown long island bar after work--virile income managers and a hit marketers--all of whom appear to be backing up the hill from their midforties towards the top notch divide at 50. they have a couple of drinks, and, within my earshot, one brassy boyo challenges the rest: "inform the reality. How many times have you faked being asleep when your spouse gets into bed with a glow in her eyes)"

    every man laughs. Then a crevice falls open in the dialog. the person in the vigour tie who posed the query reaches out for a lifeline: "I mean, does not that occur to you guys?"

    certain, Mr. Winkle doesn't want to drink," a different man says, chuckling. The rest chime in, putting off the problem on overwork, stress, having just a few too many.

    but these occasional elements don't do a great deal to illuminate the mystery of why so many men in middle lifestyles regularly lose their vitality and virility. They see a little bit older friends trade from being bullish, buoyant, and decisive into being down, depressed, listless, and lustless. They ask yourself: Will it turn up to me? Of route, being guys, they refuse to talk about it. At most, the field is couched in jokes and jibes.

An older man is walking down the highway when he hears a frogtalking. The frog says, "if you opt for me up and kiss me, i may turninto an exquisite girl."

the man picks up the frog and places It Into his pocket.

"are not you going to kiss me?" the frog complains. "i'll turn into a wonderful lady and you'll have me all you desire."

"i would reasonably have a speaking frog in my pocket."

what's going on? Are we talking effortlessly about getting older? yes, however additionally about a bigger challenge to a person's view of himself--an identifiable phenomenon with physical, hormonal, psychological, and sociological components--it really is now trendily called "male menopause." "We do not yet have a time period for this five- to twelve-year length of midlife in guys, however we comprehend it is shared by way of each genders," acknowledges Dr. Eliot Sorel, president of the world affiliation for Social Psychiatry and medical professor of psychiatry and behavioral sciences at George Washington university school of medication.

    It soon grew to be apparent to me that if menopause is the silent passage, male menopause is the unmentionable passage. It is just as fundamental because the ending of the fertile length of a girl's life, since it strikes on the core of what it's to be a man--the thing a person has always counted on to carry him pleasure, the component that has worked for him tons of of instances, mindlessly, like a computing device, with the aid of himself or with any variety of companions, the source of his fantasies, the sword of his dominance, the very root of his evolution as Homo sapiens--his youthful sexual power and efficiency.

    in the April 1993 concern of conceitedness reasonable, with Sharon Stone on the cowl stripped to the waist and cupping her naked breasts, my male editors allowed me to publish one of the first full discussions of the field: "The Unspeakable Passage: Is There a Male Menopause?" Ever due to the fact, men and ladies had been talking privately to me about this difficulty devoid of a correct identify. Interviews with greater than a hundred men between the a while of forty and 70 about this subject printed that almost all had been shunted from the urologist to the psychiatrist to the surgeon and ended up completely at a loss for words. I even have additionally followed the work of some two dozen medical consultants in this slim field who analyze and deal with men over forty littered with some diploma of sexual dysfunction *in mid- to later existence. whereas the broader scientific institution nonetheless via and massive geese the discipline, the mass media also remain wary of touching the discipline, and i found why.

THE EIGHT-HUNDRED-POUND GORILLA

in the future in the fall of 1996 I got a name from a dynamic younger producer on the critical CBS magazine display 48 Hours. Chuck Stevenson had study my work on male menopause and interviewed some medical experts, and he wanted to position together a bit about guys in center existence in sexual disaster. Chuck became handiest 41. a little younger to be considering male menopause?

    "in fact, i'm finding the discipline captivating," he talked about. As he saw it, "The precursor to guys's midlife disaster is reduced sexual skill, which then triggers all these various psychological emotions."

    i used to be delighted with Chuck's enlightened strategy. He and correspondent Erin Moriarty came out to do the interview in the garden of my domestic in Berkeley, along with a 3-man creation crew.

    For the interview, Chuck wanted to touch on "technical menopause--that small percentage of guys who definitely would not have the testosterone."

    What I really desired to talk about changed into not the small percentage of guys who're already so incapacitated they may are searching for surgical reduction My concern is the complete center latitude of guys who have no idea what is standard and who, when their sexual habits or performance alterations, become so embarrassed or ashamed that they pull away from any intimacy. On digital camera, I described essentially the most general state of affairs:

The longer this difficulty is still unstated between a couple,the greater substantial it grows, unless there's an eight-hundred-poundgorilla within the bedroom. nobody mentions it for sixmonths, two years, 5 years; in the meantime, the pair stopshugging, stops conserving arms, stops touching altogether,strikes to separate beds, to separate rooms, and ultimatelyseparate lives. They turn into estranged in all styles of intimacybecause of this sexual shutdown.

When the shoot was over, I requested the producer how the piece can be titled and promoted. "that is going to be the hardest component for us," Chuck Stevenson admitted. "How will we make this phase move without scaring off guys? We can't say 'midlife crisis' or 'trade of existence.'" finally, the segment turned into titled "Undercover," which turned into inoffensive but meaningless. Nothing changed into left in in regards to the eight-hundred-pound gorilla. Chuck stated that the piece did not work. The motive, he instructed me with feel sorry about, changed into the enormous sensitivity of senior community executives to letting us focus on impotence.

    nevertheless it changed into the response of the tv creation crew that proved probably the most interesting. on the whole, a digicam crew tunes out while filming and just makes a speciality of doing its job. while we mentioned the male menopause, these three men blanched and reddened, however they hung on to each be aware. After the taking pictures they caught around to speak.

    i wanted to listen to about it," some of the cameramen referred to candidly, "however I do not are looking to discuss it."

    "It became hitting too near domestic for me," admitted another crew member. He was in his forties and dwelling via divorce hell. She changed into the one who left. "What basically has to be noted is the proven fact that when a person has a midlife sexual crisis, people commonly say, 'it's all for your mind, snap out of it.'

    "nonetheless it's definitely part of the herbal path of pursuits," one of the crucial cameramen tried to reassure him.

    "that is right," mentioned his colleague. "i will be able to see now where you may get that rhinoceros in your bedroom, or whatever thing you called it-"

    "An eight-hundred-pound gorilla."

    "Yeah, and blocks might form."

    "That made feel to me, too," said the cameraman, "because when communication breaks down in a wedding, it be all long past." unexpectedly his colleague had an Aha! moment--one of those little epiphanies that all at once throws a floodlight on what one's existence is in reality about.

    "it really is what happened in our marriage! no one in fact talked about the gorilla. We just grew more and more apart. I do not believe find it irresistible was my fault. i was doing my responsibility, doing what i used to be alleged to do. i used to be simply ready it out. She bought tired of waiting, and it came about swiftly--the marriage fell aside."

    Doing one's obligation and not speaking concerning the internal fall down of one's complete thought of oneself is an all-too-regular "manly" stance at midlife. This e-book is intended as a pleasant e book out of such useless ends. No man may still squander his precious existence "just ready it out." And as soon as he discovers the pleasing new map of men's lives, laid out right here in records as well as many residing examples, he may still be lured to explore new continents of imagination and adventure certainly not before dreamt of by using previous generations.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------- (C) 1998 G. Merritt organization All rights reserved. ISBN: 0-679-45273-7 -----------------------------------------------------------------------

CONTENTS

creator'S notice.......................................................XI ACKNOWLEDGMENTS....................................................XIX part I: WHAT DO guys desire? Chapter One it be a guy thing....................................3 Are You organized for a further existence?...........................8 but i am no longer in a position!..........................................11 The deserve to recognize and the worry of understanding....................13 The Eight-Hundred-Pound Gorilla.............................14 Chapter Two the brand new MAP OF adult lifestyles..........................17 The spouse's Nightmare........................................20 What to Do with All This Leftover life?.....................22 half II: FLOURISHING FORTIES Chapter Three WHY DO I nonetheless consider LIKE a kid?..................27 The arrogance crisis...........................................29 A Flagrant Freedom..........................................32 the father-Son Midlife power battle.......................36 should you Comin' domestic, Son?..................................37 The lifeless Father.............................................38 The Midlife Delinquent......................................41 Chapter 4 MANHOOD ON TRIAL..................................forty five Yuppie playing trap-up.....................................forty six Banker "Excessed" at domestic...................................forty seven the only Breadwinner's Insecurities.........................47 The Idealist's Angst........................................forty seven a hard Time to Be a man in His Forties......................50 Confronting the "False Self"................................52 Are You What You Smoke?.....................................fifty three "The big unimaginable"........................................fifty five The Reluctant Father........................................58 First Fatality Jitters......................................60 relocating Up the Mortality Markers.............................sixty three Honor amongst guys.............................................64 Manly activities: greater than just a video game.........................66 current Manhood fashions......................................69 Chapter 5 MARRIED AND MORTAL................................78 The Aha! moment.............................................78 The heart of the depend.....................................81 The Stonewaller's defense...................................85 The situation with wives......................................88 part III: FEARLESS FIFTIES Chapter Six PASSAGE TO YOUR second adulthood...................95 The Samson complicated..........................................97 Mature Masculinity.........................................one hundred Former professional football star...................................102 Geezer in Graduate college..................................103 Globe-trotting Journalist Turns Gardener...................103 The Fearless Professor.....................................106 past power...............................................108 Barry Diller's search for Self.............................112 Prospero's Passage.........................................116 Welcome to the Age of have an effect on............................118 Chapter Seven REDIRECT YOUR lifestyles earlier than THE HAMMER FALLS......121 The dark night of Joe O'Dell...............................122 damaging Defenses.......................................one hundred twenty five The Comeback of Joe O'Dell.................................127 they'll under no circumstances fireplace Me......................................128 The Rebirth................................................131 The Window of chance..................................133 Midlife cash Realities....................................a hundred thirty five What may Spook John Wayne?...............................136 deliver up "i'm the huge Shot".................................137 building a crew............................................139 Opening the spiritual Dimension............................141 discover Your ardour and Pursue It............................a hundred and forty four Chapter Eight LOVE AND struggle WITH better halves, FATHERS, toddlers......146 From Competing to Connecting...............................147 Gender Crossover: comfort or disaster?.......................149 coaching the instruct.........................................151 Withholding sex............................................155 The security web spouse........................................157 Making the Crossover Work..................................160 brain-intercourse adjustments..........................................161 Mellowing Out..............................................162 Empty coronary heart................................................163 Mr. mom....................................................164 Father starvation..............................................166 Letting Go of a growing Son................................167 what number of men chums can you count?........................169 The Nest Is Empty--Are You ready for Love within the Morning?...................................................172 half IV: WHO'S scared of MALE MENOPAUSE? Chapter nine THE MALE SEXUAL life CYCLE.......................177 Magical Expectations.......................................178 The Male Sexual life Cycle.................................181 The Unspeakable Passage....................................185 men Behaving Intelligently.................................189 mind over Manliness........................................191 Chapter Ten secrets OF PERPETUAL VIRILITY.....................193 Would You reasonably Have Steak and a Smoke Than Be a Sexual Athlete?............................................194 Magic Bullets..............................................196 When Sunday-Afternoon soccer Is better Than intercourse..........198 Free Testosterone!.........................................200 DHEA: a man's master Hormone...............................202 Chemical Machismo..........................................202 Couples Work...............................................205 The Testimonial woman......................................209 Teaming up to discover the correct treatment.....................210 half V: INFLUENTIAL SIXTIES Chapter Eleven PASSAGE TO THE AGE OF INTEGRITY................215 secrets and techniques of smartly-being within the Sixties.......................216 Imagining the Paul McCartney Retirement home...............219 don't Retire! Redirect!....................................220 searching for your Postcareer career.........................222 His and Her Retirement Fantasies...........................224 Chapter Twelve progress VERSUS DESPAIR........................227 The Black Tempest..........................................229 do not lower back Up, extreme Tire hurt!.........................231 aid is not tough to Get....................................233 i'm not Having a coronary heart assault!............................236 Absorbing the Blows of destiny................................239 part VI: WHAT keeps a person young? Chapter Thirteen UNCONVENTIONAL knowledge........................243 Do guys should Die sooner than girls?.....................245 Unretired Champions........................................248 growing to be and Regenerating mind.............................251 non secular starvation...........................................253 Love within the Twilight of existence...............................254 A Lusty winter.............................................255 APPENDICES APPENDIX A.....................................................259 coping with Job Loss.......................................259 innovations for Surviving Job Loss in center lifestyles...........260 components: career Counselors...............................261 APPENDIX B.....................................................263 substances: Couples remedy.................................263 APPENDIX C.....................................................264 shopping for a doctor/Male fitness health center...................264 elements: Physicians and Therapists for Sexual fitness issues..............................................265 APPENDIX D.....................................................267 Preretirement Couples workout routines............................267 APPENDIX E.....................................................268 Warning signals of depression................................268 BIBLIOGRAPHY.......................................................269 INDEX..............................................................275

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